My son had a friend spend the night last Friday – they are both 12 years old. They had a GREAT time sleeping out under the stars on the trampoline! I did my best to be non-intrusive, yet watchful… needless to say, no one slept very well. In the morning as they were sitting at the table, I overheard my son’s friend talking about how he was grounded for life! I couldn’t help wondering that if that were true, why was he at my house? I was quiet as long as I could, but felt I needed to ask why? He proceeded to tell me that he had taken his mother’s credit card and charged $40.00 on it on some internet game without her permission! He looked at me with his beautiful big brown eyes and told me that he had asked her first, but she had told him no. I asked him why he had been allowed to spend the night? He confidently replied that his mom never followed through with punishments, no matter what he did!
I had a choice at that moment, ignore the situation and let the boys carry on……or, I could choose to support his mother, possibly alienate my son for a day or two, and sit down for as long as it would take to discuss the situation with him in terms of right and wrong and send him home. I looked up across the table at my son. He was watching my every move and listening to my every word. I knew right then I did not have a choice. This would be a very big family value training moment!! I swallowed, put my arm around my son’s friend and began…
When it comes to your children’s friends, remember there are Moms at their homes wondering the same things you are and dealing with the same problems you are! If you are brave enough to stand firm for your core values NO MATTER WHAT, soon you will have those friends trained, you will gain life long friends in their mothers as you navigate these years supporting each other and you will also have their respect. More importantly your children will naturally begin to live those values because it is just expected…..it’s natural and a part of their everyday life because it is a part of your everyday life.
Teaching and training your children morals and values is accomplished best during the everyday, all day long little moments as you live them. Supporting the moms and dads of your children’s friends to the extent that support enforces your values will only add to your happiness and the happiness of your children.